Sunshine… #11


So the title is ‘sunshine’ I am in fact referring to all this amazing weather we have been having this week and not my little (actually it’s quite a big) baby bump! Ha ha! However I can’t help but think of our own little sunshine right now! 

I have to say that personally I think there is no better tonic than that of the sun! It makes the shittest of days feel good (not that I’m having a crappy day) just a normal one, I went to work, met a friend for coffee, then another friend then picked Archie up from his dance class, cooked dinner, etc! Mundane but just everyday life.. Good days come so much more frequently to me now and when the sun is shining it just puts me in such a better mood!

Having had Archie at the end of March so being a spring/summer baby! I was looking forward to having a winter one this time with Betty. I looked forward to cold rainy days snuggled up with my little baby, chilly school runs with her wrapped in a hundred layers and cold family walks, with pics of our red cheeked little munchkins. Of course this didn’t happen instead the dreary days seemed just that.. dreary and depressing, I wondered if they were a reflection of my mood at the time and as the leaves of Autumn fell from the trees to reveal bare, sad looking surroundings it just made me think of myself and my own mood/feelings! There was nothing exciting or magical about the Autumn/Winter it was all one big fat pile of poo! 

But to be honest that doesn’t mean to say if you loose a baby in the summer you will still manage to remain happy because the sun is shining – far from it! You would just Infact hate the fact the sun is shining even more because you couldn’t think of anything worse than sitting out and enjoying it! Not that the winter for me even meant I could stay in and wallow in my own self pity, I couldn’t and actually I wouldn’t let myself (don’t get me wrong every now and again a good wallow and even more importantly a cry) is soothing for the soul! You get it out of your system and then feel a bit more balanced for a while – well in my opinion you do. But with the arrival of the winter and after what felt an eternity the spring (which is by far one of my favourite seasons) it reminded me how quickly things change. 

Now why am I harping on about the seasons? I quite possibly sound mental! Well.. for me in a reflective sort of way the arrival of them with time reminded actually how quickly time moves on, you have to embrace what you are going through at that point in your life and face it head on even tho more often than not it can be scary and not something we want to change or do, along with it come the harder days and then the mundane days which move time along but then you get to a point where summer comes and you look back at the other seasons and realise how things have changed so much in that time but now you have little things to enjoy, warm evenings, colourful flowers sprouting everywhere, lush green trees, bright mornings, less rain (we can hope) the occasional storm will fall but the worst is behind you and now you can in fact just enjoy the SUNSHINE.

Jen X

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