Recently I realised that It’s hard to feel down when your on holiday after we spent a week in Mallorca with my mum and dad. I always think the sunshine provides a beautiful prospective on all things in general. Not only does it put you in a better mood, or make you a sweaty fat mess (in my case) ha ha! But it allows you to see the beauty in things you don’t always notice.
I have spoken before about how I favour the sun over the dark, rainy miserable days. But like all things we need those to make us appreciate the better ones. Just like when you feel sad, you need those bad days to appreciate when you feel happy again. When you feel ill or under the weather sometimes you need a reminder of how horrible it is to feel like that so when you are better you appreciate ‘feeling normal’ again!
When Betty left us we never went away, as nice as it would of been to escape for a while and be on our own our circumstances at the time did not allow. So this summer holiday has been a real opportunity to not only spend time as a family which we don’t get as much chance as we would like to at home but it was also an opportunity for me to stop, switch off and reflect. I was worried at first that I would start to feel a bit crazy with nothing to do but I was actually ok! Be it the weather, the relaxation or not being at home or maybe it was a combination. But it’s a positive step (I think) I don’t have a clue about any of this really, grief, loss, I’m learning as I go. But I really do think I’m actually starting to feel ok! I know that sounds such an odd thing to say! But it’s true. It’s difficult to explain maybe if your reading this and you’ve experienced something similar you can relate. But when you can start to find enjoyment in ‘things’ again I think it is a good indicator that actually things are going to be ok.
When you no longer go through the motions of day to day life like a robot day after day just managing to make it to the next, when you drink in your surroundings and stop feeling guilty for enjoying the simple things that the loved one you left behind is not there to see, you can know it’s going to be ok! Our life will always be a little different now – our journey has changed its course, not through our own choice but I am starting to accept that things will be different now, but understand that they can and will be good. The sunshine and time to reflect has shown me that. And for that I am grateful. Betty is there somewhere, I’m sure of that. Her life was worth something. I would do it all again just to see her and hold her regardless of the outcome because that is what love is, unconditional. We love even tho we know one day we or others will be without us or them but we have to do it because it’s what we do as human beings.
I know Betty shines through in her Brother Archie and in Sunshine! They will both be my reminder daily that she was here and always will be. I know that we can do this as hundreds before us have and many ahead will do. It’s not been nor will it be easy but it’s achievable. I am proud of myself and my family of how far we have come in such a short space of time. Who knows what we can achieve in the future it is all there for the taking – the sky’s the limit and Betty is there, a shining star, the brightest of them all guiding us along the way reminding us of how precious life is. 10 months ago we said hello and goodbye, we changed as a family, individuals, a couple. We learnt lessons many will never have to, we had to accept a situation we didn’t choose, but we are facing it head on, we are still standing, we love eachother more and we appreciate everything that little bit more. Sunshine, showers or rainbows whatever the weather we will take it in our stride for that is all we can do.