Finding time #29

Many of you who are regular readers of my blog will know I have spent the last year wishing time away and now I want it to SLOW DOWN! (Clearly I am just never satisfied) Vinnie is 7 weeks old now! Eek! He’s changing quickly from that scrunched up sleepy new born to an alert little babe. Although he still sleeps a lot, actually scrap that at the moment he doesn’t seem to sleep much (we are in the midst of some growth spurting kinda phase) but when he’s had a feed he still gets all drunk and floppy and has a really cute what we call ‘moley’ face. I could just cuddle him all day he sleeps so soundly on my chest I love it. I am trying to make the most of this time as I know how quickly he will begin to become more independent (although it will be a long time before he is completely independent) he is going to need me for a long time yet, which is amazing but at the same time at the moment it’s quite over whelming. 
I have this little babe who relies on no one else but me. The last few weeks have been tough I’ve been ill, Archie has been ill, Vinnie has been ill and Scott is tired and stressed with work and everything going on at home! I’m so happy that Vinnie is here but slightly stressed by a collection of different things that keep being thrown in our direction. It is of course life and I am trudging on. I’m just waiting for a time when I don’t have a list of a million things to do, no one is ill, I am on top of things and life feels normal. Let’s face it that’s not going to happen but I can hope! It didn’t help that Sunday saw us get burgled. Well I say burgled, but they didn’t actually take anything (that I can see at the moment) but they broke in through our front door and went straight into our bedroom pulling out all our drawers and wardrobes. It’s unnerving to think that someone could be that bold as to waltz right in and have a good rummage! Awful low life’s who ever they are. 

Anyway getting back to the baby.. I think I need to remind myself that I only have a 7 week old and be a bit kinder on myself but when your used to being organised and getting things done then all of a sudden you can’t do all those things I almost feel a bit out of control, but Im learning to accept I can only do so much and I just have to face the fact that whilst he is still so young everything can wait. (I would love a cleaner tho!) ha ha! I’m also 5 years out of this baby game – I am doing fine with getting up in the night, I thought that would be hard but it’s not. It’s more learning to juggle 2 little people who need you and the guilt that one has to wait for you (usually Archie at the moment) I know all mothers go through this it’s nothing new. But to me it is. I also find Christmas as well as a time of fun and festivities the build up until I am sorted on the shopping front, hectic. I always have a million things in my head of what I need to buy, wrap, post etc. Until it gets to the stage where all is done us mummy’s can’t relax completely. (Well I can’t) 
I know all I am experiencing is nothing any other mother hasn’t gone through. But I forgot how tricky these first few months are. You are trying to get into a routine, getting to know your baby and learning that this teeny little person will do what they want and a lot of the routine is out of your control. I know this will all pass as everything does. I am also reminding myself how lost I felt this time last year when I was without Betty. I must embrace the highs and lows because I haven’t forgotten how bad it felt to not be experiencing any of this. 

So ho ho ho Happy 1st of December – may it be kind to everyone whatever your circumstance. There is a lot of pressure to feel you should enjoy this time of year, but don’t be afraid to not. If you don’t that’s ok. I know last year that was me – I am not afraid to say I refused to enjoy it I didn’t want to. I had no desire to party, celebrate or embrace any type of Christmas spirit. However this year I am going to make up for our darkest times and make it super special for my darling Archie. I don’t think he noticed any difference but I want to make it extra special by really sharing his enjoyment after not being in the right head space last year. And of course we are celebrating little Vinnie’s first Christmas. They have almost matching Christmas jumpers! I am very excited about these! No doubt pics will be appearing as part of #blogmas. So go forth and enjoy if you can lovely people, we only get one shot at this. Next year we will be a year older and things will be different again. Be it your family logistics, a new job, new house who knows, at present 2017 is still some time away. So for now HAPPY Christmas 2016. It’s going to be a good one for the Burbs’. I think after everything we deserve it. 

Jen 

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